Shall We Date?: Can't Say No, Kaoru Akizaki Review

After the craziness that was the two other routes in Can't Say No, I was prepared for absolute madness when I started playing Kaoru's route. Yet also, in all honesty, he's such a douchecanoe in the other routes that I wasn't really looking forward to playing his story at all. Out of obligation though, I played his route and I was actually pretty disappointed. And very, very bored.

 

So you and Kaoru are engaged, but he spends way too much time at his job and doesn't wear his engagement ring, which makes you a sad panda. Also a whiney panda, and a caffeine obsessed panda because you are always at the damn coffee shop sighing and carrying on about your horrible life. Because having a hot fiancée who makes good money while you yourself have an awesome, fulfilling job must be awful.

But that's just my jaded single status speaking.

Kaoru is basically always cancelling dates with you, and when you are together it's really just to have sexy times.

This is seriously like in the first or second chapter.

Please Kaoru, lay off the sweet words...I'm going to get a toothache.

How romantic.

 

You know what else is just thrown right at you at the very beginning of this route?

DON'T YOU DARE ELUDE TO PREGNANCY MC!!!!

 

All I could think was if the MC is pregnant, I am done. There is no way I'm sticking around to read about a fictional character bringing a baby into the most insane otome world ever. I have my causes that I'll fight for, and the happiness of fictional babies is one of them. Also, kids in any otome game are like an automatic mood killer for me. I know that's not how everyone feels, but kids are just not my thing.

 

NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. I will have no part of this.

 

So while you're basically binge drinking coffee, which probably isn't good for your fictional baby by the way, you run into a coworker who you really dislike, yet you two decide to sit together and share very intimate details about your lives. 

 

Yeah, that doesn't sound like a terrible idea at all.

 

Just then, Kaoru shows up and the most blatant bit of foreshadowing in the history of ever happens.

If you have a brain, hopefully your first thought here was "well fuck, I bet he's the guy Rika slept with, seeing as how she just told me the story and now they're both acting like they just saw the ghost of one night stands past."

 

 

It's a good thing this MC isn't a detective, because crime in this city would be rampant.

 

Your deduction skills suck, so you don't even really question the overreaction of Rika and Kaoru, and you just keep living your life and drinking coffee like it's your profession.

 

After Kaoru ditches out on you yet again, you invite Leo, the adorable coffee shop waiter, to dinner as a joke or something. It's a good thing the MC isn't a comedian, because that is not fucking funny. Leo takes it seriously though, and you end up going to dinner together where you complain about Kaoru because that is seriously all this MC talks about.

He is so gawd damn adorable.

Just break up with Kaoru and go with Leo. I didn't even want to read past this point if Solmare wasn't about to pull a complete M. Night Shyamalan twist on us all and switch the Kaoru storyline for a Leo one right in the middle. Wouldn't that be awesome???

 

But no, Kaoru shows up and doesn't even seem to give a shit that you're on a date with another man.

Seriously, go with Leo now and don't look back.

 

Later on, you get in a fight with Kaoru because he literally could not care less whether or not you're cheating on him.

 

My mind was screaming for the MC to dump Kaoru's lame ass and run off with Leo, and then this happened....

OMG SQUUUEEEEEEE

I might literally be dying. I don't remember what breathing is like.

Wait......WHAT?!?!?!?

I hate you MC.

 

You leave Leo and run back to the coffee shop where you find Kaoru waiting for you.

 GO BACK TO LEO AT ONCE. I have had enough of Kaoru's nonsense.

 

 

I'm okay with this nonsense though.

 

Luckily at this point, you get some good news.

Working a full time job to support a caffeine addiction is pretty stressful, I should know.

 

Honestly, I did not care for this route really at all. I've had a hard time getting this review done too because I just don't care. The other two routes were so insane and awesome that I don't know HOW this route even came to be.

 

Any way....so you go back to the coffee shop I think to ask if you can just get a fucking IV hooked up to your arm so you can just get a continuous fix of caffeine, and you overhear the biggest nonsurprise announcement since Clay Aiken came out of the closet.

 

WHAT A TOTALLY UNFORESEEN CONFESSION. 

 

Oh also, she's probably pregnant, so there's that.

 

Afterwards, you have a complete breakdown and go woman scorned crazy all over Kaoru.

 

 

Confession; once upon a time, a boy who I loved very, very much slept with some other girl and I almost reacted the exact same way. I wanted to know details about it for fuck knows why, and I had a very similar breakdown. And I'm still not over it.

 

Which I think in a roundabout way was my main problem with this route. It was pretty boring, but it was boring because it was actually pretty realistic. And guess what? If I wanted to experience mind numbing conversations about relationships, be surrounded by pointless drama, and deal with a man who is a fucking dick, I would just go outside and live my life.

 

I play otome games so I don't have to do that, and therein lies the complete failure of this route in my opinion.

 

Any way, more stuff happens, you run into the street like an idiot during a fight, and Kaoru gets hit by a car trying to save you.

 

Then in the hospital you get a bit of good news!

Well, that's nice I guess.

So I thought this was cute. I sort of liked it.

 

What follows though is the MOST BORING CONVERSATION IN THE HISTORY OF OTOME. Seriously, it was like an actual conversation about the future and your relationship and hashing out all the problems between you and Kaoru and lots of apologizing and being honest and I wanted to drive off a cliff because I could not handle the boredom.

 

 

It was awful.

 

Then from that horrible bit of complete suckiness, you go to one of three endings.

 

Happy Ending

 

You quit your job so you can join Kaoru on his job transfer to London, Rika was never pregnant; she just missed her period due to stress, which is probably going to happen to me after dealing with this route, and you guys get hitched...without any kind of official, witnesses, or the necessary paperwork. But hey! It's in the chapel you always wanted to get married in.

 

 

Oh, and because we want to complete the whole happily ever package, here's this bit of news...

God damn it I'm so over this.

 

So this is my happy ending photo, and I laughed at it harder than I probably should have. Like what the hell Kaoru? GO AWAY.

 

Sweet Ending

 

You break up with Kaoru and take over a huge project at your job, and Rika has an abortion but the baby probably wasn't even Kaoru's anyway so she freaked you all out for nothing. Then Kaoru shows up before leaving for London...

 

 

 

 

He gives you a ring, and you decide to go your separate ways. Once he returns from London he's hoping you'll forget how fucking boring he is and that whole cheating on you thing, and you'll take him back and you guys will live happily ever after.

 Good luck with that.

 

Normal Ending

 

Kaoru goes to London while you stay back to continue your job. Then.....

 

 

 A date?!?! Oh my gosh, with whom?!?!?!

 

 

You guys don't even know how excited I was to see Leo. GIVE HIM HIS OWN ROUTE ALREADY, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM.

 

So apparently you're still going to marry Kaoru, you're just going to keep yourself busy until then by sleeping with every dude you've ever met.

 

Not that there's anything wrong with having other sexual partners, as long as it's a mutual, honest decision made between two people who are one day going to get married. 

Oh, well fuck everything I just said.

 

You also learn that Rika's boyfriend is the very married Kasamatsu, and she's broken up with him. That's probably for the best, because you're banging him as well.

 

 

JESUS CHRIST MC.

 

No, you are probably just feeling the karmatic effects of what will one day turn into some kind of skin cancer.

 

I just....don't even know with this route. It was boring, the MC sucks, Kaoru sucks, Rika sucks, and Leo doesn't suck yet he doesn't have his own route.

 

What is this world coming to?!?

 

Wendy's Otome Rating Scale

 

2 fangirl screams out of 10

Preferred snacks for Kaoru's route;

 

 Coffee. A lot of it.

 

Smarties, because they are boring and gross, much like this route.

 

A few 5 Hour Energy Drinks, because something needs to keep you awake during this tedious story.