Shall We Date?: Ninja Love, Goemon Ishikawa Review

Before we start anything, let me say....

****SPOILERS****

***SO MANY SPOILERS***

**RETURN TO TUMBLR AND TUMBLR SOME AWESOME ATTACK ON TITAN PICS FOR ME RIGHT NOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT GOEMON SPOILERS**

Okay kids, let's begin.

So I had no idea what I was getting into when I started playing this game. I had never played ANY otome games before and the only anime I had ever seen was Spirited Away once in high school and I thought I was too cool for such things, so I was not prepared for all the feels I was about to experience about a fictional character.

As soon as I saw Goemon I knew his route would be the first one I would play. He's a redhead with a tribal tattoo the likes of which I haven't seen since my time spent at frat parties in college, and he had this attitude that made me want to simultaneously backhand and makeout with him.

So I got to the point where you can choose your character, and I had to pay for him. I was so naïve, I thought surely everything would be free?!?! I wrestled with myself for a while because really, do I want to spend actual hard earned dolla dolla bills ya'll on a cartoon character ninja?

Then I looked around my parent's basement, where I live despite being in my late twenties, and the 50th bridesmaid dress that was hanging on my door for yet another wedding that was not mine, and I pressed purchase so fast on my phone that I may have broken my finger. Thus the obsession began, and now I spend money on games without even batting an eye. I need to get stock in this shit, seriously.

Back to Goemon....

Naked Goemon is the best kind of Goemon.

So he's a playboy/womanizer/all around douchebag/pervert, which is pretty much my type, or so my Mom would say. He's also one hell of a ninja, can spit out a fire dragon or something, and he has some serious skills in bed....according to him.

He has all these rules about how the MC can't give in to her emotions and has to obey his every command...which, no thanks....but he also has these super sweet moments where I want to cuddle him so hard before he starts being pervy and demanding again, at which point I want to do other things so hard with him.

He likes to get the MC all wound up talking about sex and whatnot before being like "sike! you look like a dog and I wouldn't hit that in a million years."*

*that is not exactly what he says

  

Well......thanks?

Even though he can be a total jerk...like when he throws you in a river, head butts you full force, lets you fall on your ass out of a tree, he is still lovable and I found myself forgiving him way too easily for being such a jerk face...and let's be honest, abusive. If someone head butted me with all their might, that would be the end of him. This game though, because it is a game and he's a ninja and probably doesn't really know how to be gentle, I let it go. I wouldn't mind if they removed that part though.

 He is totally that bad boy that makes you want to be the one person that gets through to him, the one person that he feels protective of, and the one person that he can be caring and sensitive with. Which in the long run does not a good relationship make, but for the sake of an otome game it is great and I love him.

I lied, blushing, naked Goemon is the best Goemon.

So I had nothing to compare his route to, since it is the first one I ever played, but I loved it. Especially the end!!! My goodness, I didn't know things would get soooo steamy. Not like I minded....

Without thinking I would do a lot of things with Goemon....

Goemon will always have a special place in my heart, since he did take my otome virginity. Plus I have always had a thing for redheads. And even though I played his route probably 4 times before I finally got the happy ending, I am not sick of it and will probably play it again soon. 

Wendy's Otome Rating Scale

8 fangirl screams out of 10.

Preferred snacks for Goemon's route;

Green tea flavored pocky to calm your nerves while simultaneously giving you a weapon to poke your screen with when Goemon sexually frustrates you for the billionth time.

A handful of double bubble bubblegum to chew on to keep you from grinding your teeth out of excitement/terror, perfect for when he disappears in the rubble of a collapsed wall, when he's saving the baby from the burning building, or when he gets poisoned.

Ice water. Because after all that excitement there at the end with Goemon you'll need to cool off and ingest something pure to offset how dirty....but good dirty...you'll be feeling.