Shall We Date?: Can't Say No, Subaru Tadokoro Normal Ending Review

Seriously you guys, never before has the ending to a game made me feel the need to go to church and confess all my sins as strongly as this one did.

Of course, I did not go to church because if I stepped foot anywhere near it I'm sure the whole thing would burst into flames, but that is neither here nor there. Are you ready for the most ridiculously insane, smutty, despicable, and obscene otome ending ever?

Then join me on this trip into HOLY SHIT DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN town, where Mayor WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JUST HAPPENED IN FRONT OF MINE VERY OWN EYEBALLS resides.

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

This is the Normal Ending, AKA the Someone Please Get Solmare a Dictionary Because I'm Pretty Sure They Have No Idea What Normal Means, Unless this IS Normal By Their Standards, Which in that Case Please Point Me in the Direction of Their Headquarters so I Can Quell my Quarter Life Crisis Need to Experience New Things with a Cute Japanese Software Engineer ending.

Once again, you are bound and gagged on Security Guard's bed, but it's only because he loves you so much and he couldn't think of any other way to show you the depths of his love then by holding you hostage. Though really, ANY other way would have been better, but whatever.

Unlike the other endings, right now the MC is having none of this. You do have feelings for Security Guard, but you sure as hell aren't a fan of him assaulting you against your will.

So you basically beat him up. Hell yeah.

Oh, except he has sheer psychotic super human strength on his side, and you're still tied up. Nice try though.

So that sucks and is definitely not cool.

The guard realizes you aren't having fun, which shocks him for some reason, so he reaches under the bed and retrieves a small brown bottle of liquid. My immediate thought was "whiskey!", and I had flashbacks to all the times I had had one too many whiskey sours and had fun doing things that I never would have normally done in the first place, much less would have actually enjoyed. 

C'est la vie.

Those are the famous last words many a partygoer hears before they end up dancing naked, save for a cowboy hat, before streaking through the neighborhood and getting arrested. Or....does that not happen to everyone at their friend's 21st birthday party?

I immediately felt pretty uncomfortable at this point because I thought this may or may not turn into a horrible date rape scenario where the MC would black out.

Thank heavens that is not what happened. 

Look at how damn proud of himself he is.

So, what WAS that stuff and where can I purchase it in mass quantities?

So at first I thought this was really anticlimactic. It's worded in such a boring way!

But I see, all he had to do was merely touch you. Seriously, what is this stuff?

I shouldn't be okay with this, because I hate the term make love anyway, plus he's a kidnapper, but....

EW.

I didn't even have anything to say for that entire section of screenshots. They speak for themselves really.

Just like your panties apparently speak for themselves.

WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?!

Alright, I think I literally lost part of my mind here. Like, it's gone and will never come back. It was the part that thought rationally, which I didn't use much anyway, but MY GAWD. 

Like I figured out where this was going, and I didn't want to look but honestly I WANTED TO LOOK SO BAD. It's like a horrible car wreck. A horrible, fictional, sexy ass car wreck that is completely inappropriate and amazing all at once.

CHEESUS FUCKING CRIPES SECURITY GUARD.

I want to know if Solmare is going to pay for the blood transfusion I'll need after all the blood in my body evacuates itself via my nose.

My thoughts exactly.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM FEELING ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE SECURITY GUARD.

Well guess what, I am already dead. This route killed me, and I want you all to avenge my death. 

So all that shit and suddenly you're back at work. How the what? You apparently start feeling dizzy, so you head down the hall towards the restrooms. Oh, but look who it is....

This made me tingly in the area where my bathing suit covers.

Oh good, we're back to this spot again. Nothing good can come from being in a deserted stairwell with this man. And by nothing good, I mean everything good.

Oh great, and now there's a motherfucking bee in here. 

I had to read this sentence like 8 times. THE THING INSIDE ME. REMOTE CONTROL. HE IS HOLDING A REMOTE CONTROL TO SOMETHING INSIDE YOU.

Please do not. I don't think I can handle one more thing happening in this ending. I just want to leave the stairwell, go eat some ice cream, and go home to read some Scriptures and pray for my eternal soul.

Or whatever, I guess this is fine too.

So now that I am a full fledged resident of Smutville, I was sincerely hoping there would be a seduction scene with Akira. I have a soft spot in my heart for his square jaw, red hair, and crazy eyes.

No such luck though.

This is some pretty deep metaphorical shit.

So you go back to your apartment, where the Security Guard makes you call Kaoru to come over.

  

Legit.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY THOUGHTS ARE DOING, I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY FEELINGS ARE DOING, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE.

I AM SO DONE WITH LIFE.

Seriously, Kaoru's face in the final CG is PRICELESS. It is also the exact same face I was making throughout this entire ending.

His thing. We've had a grotesquely shaped dildo, a vibrator stuck inside of you, a dom/sub leash and blindfold, and we still can't say penis.

Poor Kaoru.

I can't.

YOU GUYS.

I don't even know. I don't, even, I just don't know. I DON'T KNOW. 

This ending is the dirtiest otome ending I have ever had the pleasure of viewing. It is ridiculous and crazy and I am literally having a hard time breathing right now, but I loved it. I loved it. And I don't know what that says about me.

I do feel like I need a palate cleanser though, like I need to play a Voltage route where the MC gets all flustered just from a guy putting his arm around her shoulder.

You dirty Solmare bastards, you'll always be my favorite though.

I don't even have words anymore. That's it.

Wendy's Otome Rating Scale

ASDFHADSF234234234WSDF#$@# fangirl screams out of 10. 

Preferred snacks for Subaru's "normal" ending;

Fuck, I don't know. Whatever alcohol you have in your house. Drink it. Shots of it. Mix it altogether. Anything to dull the pain of you realizing the most exciting sexual escapade you've had in quite a while is from living vicariously through a fictional character in a game on your fucking phone.