Shall We Date?: Can't Say No, Subaru Tadokoro Sweet Ending Review

Subaru's Sweet Ending. I don't even know where to start with this.

I just.....don't know.

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

Sweet Ending, AKA the This is a Textbook Case of Stockholm Syndrome Ending.

So you're bound and gagged on Security Guard's bed, and he is having a meltdown because he realizes that he has kidnapped a human being after murdering another human being, and those two things combined come with a mighty hefty prison sentence.

But even the thought of spending the rest of his life in a cell with a guy nicknamed The Analhilator is not enough to keep him from sexy times with you. 

Not like you have a choice in the matter, though if you did you wouldn't say no because just look at him! Also there's that whole stockholm syndrome thing you obviously have going on.

Full disclosure time. Sometimes I work graveyard shifts, and in the middle of the night the only people in the building are me and the security guard, though I am in a restricted area that not even security can get in to. On some days it's the female guard, and on others it's the male guard. I was maybe playing this game at work, and when I got to this part I just had to take a break, so I went down the hall to the break room. Just then the male security guard, who is super cute by the way, popped his head in the room and said "Hello Miss Johnson!"

He only knows my last name because it says it on my shirt. I almost died, and now I can't look at the security guard the same way ever, ever again. Ever. Again. Ever.

Me too, MC, me too.

I feel like Solmare just threw their hands up in the air with this game and said "fuck it! Let's go straight into 90s romance novel territory and say as many lewd/obscene things as we possibly can! Someone get Fabio on the phone!"

Not like Fabio had anything to do with the actual writing of 90s romance novels, he was just on all the covers. You just can't mention them without mentioning Fabio, it's a law.

NO, IT'S NOT. Though I wish it were, without the whole kidnapping part of course because I would have a legitimate panic attack.

There are no two words I hate more in the English language than moist and panties. I don't know why, but they are bad enough on their own, so when they're combined it's like a Megazord of awkward that makes me incredibly squeamish.

I suppose so.

It's like they took Goemon's main route ending and lit it on fire after injecting it with sexy time steroids.

Receive you? Like it's a fucking fancy party or wedding that was invitation only? I appreciate the attempt to make this whole thing as consensual as possible seeing as how the kidnapping part was a pretty one sided decision, but do not say anything that lame to me ever again fictional Security Guard. I won't stand for it and I'll delete your route.

Just kidding, I would never. 

I love that Solmare gets incredibly descriptive and dirty, until it comes to the penis/vagina area. They just gloss over that whole thing like your parents did when giving you the sex talk.

Except my parents didn't have that talk with me, I learned by watching Undressed and The Real World on MTV in the late 90s. You know, that is the second 90s reference in this review. Who knew that Security Guard would make me feel so nostalgic for a time in which I had horrible blonde/brown streaked hair and wore way too many white tshirt under spaghetti strap tank top combinations?

Anyway, so you're tied up, but you're not actually tied up all that tight. You could actually escape if you wanted to, but you don't want to because Security Guard feeds you soup while you sit in his lap, which sounds pretty awesome to me.

He even lets you watch TV, though as a kidnapping murderer you would think he'd steer clear of the news channels when you're around.

Oh, that sucks. You have been reported missing AND the news announcer will probably lose their job since they do not seem to have a very good grasp of the English language.

You try to convince Security Guard that you do love him and you'll never, ever leave because as long as you're here you don't have to work and you get fed soup and sexy times at regular intervals and that's all I really want out of life anyway.

And the realization that that cell in prison and  the prisoner Analhilator are just waiting for him to get caught causes Security Guard to feel all the criminal feels.

And then this happens.

Way to NOT look at all suspicious Security Guard! I'm sure they'll believe whatever you say with such a criminally evil death scowl on your face.

Luckily for him, you are able to slip out of your shackles and save the day.

Good cover.

I love that it's a question, like it makes total sense that you wouldn't see any need to be saved from the man that kidnapped you and murdered a man in the park.

You convince Security Guard to let you leave and get all your shit in order, which if you can't tell by his face, he's not too thrilled about.

You go to work and just fucking quit, which is so awesome and I am incredibly jealous because I hate the ever loving shit out of my job and want to quit so badly but I have bills to pay and otome games to buy and life fucking sucks sometimes you know?

You also break up with Kaoru, who I sort of forgot even existed by this point in the game.

That is the most businesslike breakup I've ever seen.

He can't believe his beautiful eyes, but for a reason that even a professional psychiatrist could spend an entire career trying to uncover, you love Security Guard and want to stay with him forever.

And he cries beautiful, crazy tears yet again.

And then.....

IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!

Security Guard has a name, and though we've known it the entire time, now the MC knows it. Yay!!!

Lover....stalker....kidnapper....whatevs.

Where Subaru's Happy Ending seemed pretty absurd to me, this ending makes a little more sense I guess. We're not jumping straight into marriage or living together, we're starting with just getting his FUCKING NAME. Then we'll go from there, taking things slow, getting to know each other outside the realm of abductor/abductee. You know, the way any relationship that began with being held hostage should progress.

Wendy's Otome Rating Scale

5.25 fangirl screams out of 10. 

Preferred snacks for Subaru's sweet ending; 

Neko Doughnuts. They're doughnuts that look like kitty cats! Overly emotional Subaru would probably love them.

Chicken noodle soup, to be consumed when Subaru is feeding soup to the MC. You can delve even farther into the whole being fed comfort food by your kidnapper fantasy.

Pink champagne, to celebrate the moment you stopped being a fucking idiot and asked for Security Guard's real name. Way to go, you've mastered the basics of human interaction!